SATIRE
YOUR DREAM HOME AWAITS!
Whether you just showed up or have been staring into the dizzying depths of real estate in the Flathead long enough for your eyeballs to permanently pick up a perceptible spin, this was a summer to behold. Yet our two Flathead real estate experts*, in their perpetual optimism, want you to know that your dream of homeownership is not yet gone. We present these fine properties as but a taste of the cozy, down-home options still abundant in northwest Montana. Contact us today.
*Our experts have lived on real estate, but certainly don’t own or sell any.
DAVID STEELE
Scenic North Valley Acreage
3.6 acres, 0 beds, 1 bath, $167,000
Vast vistas and potential frame the gorgeous edges of this tidy parcel. Ideal for a cabin, home, or perhaps a cluster of yurts, your vision will fit here perfectly. And with sanitation already achieved, you’ll save on construction expenses like worker restrooms and a septic system.
Your Kalispell Dream Home!
Various builds and plots. From $220,000
Ultimate choice meets convenient convenience since your dream home won’t be built until 2022! You pick the size, shape (octagon, anyone?), configuration, trim package, flooring, etc. Though it’s now just a concrete slab with a Google Maps listing in a (newly wealthy) former farmer’s field, consider this the foundation for your Montana dreams, and dream home.
Bigfork Submarine Community
0.5 acre lots, 2 bed, 2 bath
Forget living on the lake: you can now live in the lake. That’s right: Montana’s first submarine community is accepting qualified buyers. Fluctuating lake levels offer the best of both worlds for some properties: wintertime beaches and the benefits of living literally underwater on those hot summer afternoons. All residences are fully sealed against the elements and guaranteed to never burn. You’ve never found a living experience this immersive; call our agents today!
Columbia Avenue Whitefish Townhome
0.5 acres, 2 bed, 2 bath, $340,000
Is this house so cute that it hurts to even consider not buying it? Is it located in the most desirable location for most people looking? Is this listing simply too good to be true? The short answer to all these questions is yes: the writer in charge of these listings has just learned that it’s already sold, but press deadlines are such that we have to include it anyway.
Happy Valley Heated Storage Unit
0.0076 acres, 1 “bed,” 0 bath, $350 per month
Sick of combing Craigslist in hopes of finding a budget-conscious rental? Not to worry! Happy Valley boasts a number of heated, livable options for the minimalist. Perfect for seasonal staff or those who don’t mind living with their gear, the whole front of these units opens to allow for airy, breezy afternoons. The concrete flooring is durable, and 24-hour surveillance lends an extra bit of security. First, last, second, and second to last plus security deposit due at signing.
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